Are you navigating a life or career transition?
Whether your transition stems from a loss, a career disruption such as a layoff, or a life change such as retirement or an empty nest, the stories you tell yourself can profoundly affect how your transition unfolds.
I learned this lesson years ago, when I was working on a legal research project at a large university in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
The work was interesting, the project team was great, and our work was well received.
One day, out of the blue, our team was told that because of funding constraints, our project would no longer be funded.
We were shocked and angry but there was little we could do.
As we wound down our project, and my colleagues prepared to return to their former academic positions, I felt devastated and alone.
Unlike them, I had only moved to Pittsburgh three years before and had not yet built a professional network in the city.
I told myself that I’d never find another job and that after 12 years, my legal career was over.
You Can Choose Your Story
Fortunately, one of my friends referred me to a coach. After patiently listening to me rant on about the injustice and nasty politics and that my career was over, she said “You have a choice in the story you’re telling yourself. You can continue to see yourself as a victim or you can tell yourself a new story.”
She guided me in creating a new self-story which reframed this setback as an opportunity to leverage my unique work experience into an exciting new job.
Had I not upgraded my story, I would have stayed mired in depression and inactivity and missed out on a career enhancing opportunity, which changed the direction of my life.
How to Change the Old Story
According to Kindra Hall, author of Choose Your Story, Change Your Life, there are four steps to changing our negative self-stories:
- Identify the invisible stories that are running your life.
- Analyze the stories by separating facts from assumptions, beliefs and exaggerations.
- Replace the old self-story with one that empowers you
- Install the story in your brain so it becomes a habit.
As I learned years ago, those old stories are so much a part of our self-talk that it’s helpful to have guidance in uncovering them and replacing them with a fresh new story.
Identify the Negative Narrative
What is that nasty little tale that rattles around in your head when you’re contemplating taking a risk or preparing for an important meeting.
It could be a story based on your current circumstances such as, “I’ll never find an enjoyable job that pays me as much as my prior job,” or “I don’t have the experience to expand my business.
Or perhaps it’s based on your inadequacy – “I’m too young”,” I’m too old”, “I’m not smart or experienced enough.”
Even if these stories aren’t true, they become self-fulfilling prophecies because they create a downward “spiral” of inaction, hold you back from taking risks or keep you from showing up as your most powerful self.
Change the Old Story
Here’s a simple strategy for transforming a negative story that may be haunting you.
- Write out the old story.
- Review it and look for evidence – objective facts – that support your story. Eliminate the assumptions, beliefs, and exaggerations
- Review the times when you achieved a similar goal or overcame a similar setback. Reflect on the traits that helped you accomplish them and how you can apply them in your current situation.
- Rewrite your story from a different perspective focusing just on the facts and recall your empowering stories in detail. Reclaim those inner strengths that empowered you to move forward.
Are You Ready to Write a New Story?
Until we uncover those self-defeating stories and transform them into empowering narratives, we’ll stay stuck living the results of our old stories and never reaching our potential.
The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself. – Tony Robbins
