What do you say to yourself when you mess up?
How about when a meeting doesn’t go as well as you hoped?
How do you react when you receive a “No thank you” – whether it’s during a job search or in your business?
Do you go down the self-blame rabbit hole with thoughts like:
“How could I be so stupid?”
“I always screw things up.”
“I’ll never be good at _____.”
Worse still, do you continue to beat yourself up for days or even weeks over “what went wrong?”
Break Out of the Negative Cycle
When you’re on the emotional roller coaster ride of a job search or building a business in this uncertain economy, it’s easy to fall into a habit of negative self-talk when things don’t work out.
Unfortunately, your subconscious believes everything you tell it, whether it’s true or not.
And when you continually repeat these harsh words to yourself, your brain starts to see them as fact, undermining your self-image which can lead to your not performing to your potential.
Fortunately, you can break out of this negative cycle by taking control of your self-talk with a simple two-step process.
Shift to Compassion and Hope
The shift starts with being kind to yourself when you make a mistake or suffer a setback.
Talk to yourself as if you’re talking to your best friend and tell yourself “We’re all human – mistakes happen,” or “this isn’t a big deal.”
After showing yourself some compassion, follow this practice from Steven Campbell’s book, Making Your Mind Magnificent.
- Reflect on the lesson learned from the mistake.
- Feel bad about it for no more than fifteen seconds and then let it go.
- Tell yourself “That is not like me anymore. The next time I intend to…” while visualizing how you’ll behave next time.
In addition to reminding yourself to be your own best friend, this process encourages you to view your mistake from a different perspective.
Most importantly, it reminds you that there will always be a “next time” to do better which means another chance to learn and grow!
So today, give yourself the gift of self-compassion. You deserve it. ❤️
“Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to someone you love. Most of us shame, belittle, and criticize ourselves in ways we’d never think of doing to others.” – Brene Brown
